Woody Allen Motivational Quotes
“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.”
“There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.”
“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.”
“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.”
“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”
“If it turns out that there is a God…the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.”
“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”
“It’s a match made in heaven…by a retarded angel.”
“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.”
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”
“I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”
“I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.”
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”
“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
“Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.”
“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
“To you, I’m an atheist.
To God, I’m the loyal opposition.”
Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
