How to talk With Your Family and Friends About Cancer

Talking With Your Family and Friends About Cancer

When you have cancer, talking with your family and friends about it can be difficult. You can decide whom to tell and how much information you want to share. Effective communication can help you and your loved ones deal with emotions and help ensure that you get the help and support that you need.

How do I decide whom to tell about my cancer diagnosis?

When you are ready to talk with others about your cancer diagnosis, here are a few things you can do:

  • Make a list of people you want to talk to face-to-face.
    • If your spouse or partner does not know, he or she will most likely be first on your list.
    • You will probably want to talk with your immediate family next. This may include children, brothers and sisters, and parents.
    • Close friends and other family members may be on your list as well.
  • Make a list of friends that you are not that close to, but would like to share your diagnosis with. It can be helpful to ask a willing friend or family member to talk with others.
  • Think about whether you will tell coworkers, and if so, how much you feel they need to know. You may want to start by talking with a manager or someone in human resources.

You can also ask your cancer care team what resources and support are available to help you talk with others about your diagnosis.

What type of information should I share with others?

After talking with your spouse or partner, you can prepare to talk with others by writing down key points in a notebook. As you talk with others, they may ask questions. Write down any questions so you can get more information from your cancer care team.

Think about how much you want to share with friends and family. It is important to have a comfort level with what and how much you share. You may want to start with basic information that your cancer care team has shared with you. This may include:

  • The type of cancer you have.
  • The kind of treatments you may need.
  • The possible side effects of treatment, such as fatigue or loss of appetite.
  • Any physical changes that are expected, such as hair loss.
  • How long the treatment may take.
  • What changes will need to be made to your normal routine during treatment and recovery.

If you are comfortable with it, you may also want to talk about how you are feeling.

What are some tips to help communicate with family?

  • Set aside a special time to talk with your family members.
  • Refer to key points in your notebook when needed.
  • Be reassuring and calm.
  • Answer any questions as truthfully as possible. You may not have all of the answers.
  • Have reliable sources of additional information that your family members can explore on their own.
  • Every person may respond differently. Some may need time to reflect on what you have told them.

What are some tips to help communicate with friends?

  • After talking with your family, reach out to others who are close to you. This will help you establish a support system outside of your family.
  • Let them know how they can help you. Be specific.
  • If you prefer that your news is not shared with others, clearly ask your friends to keep the information private.

How should I respond when others ask how they can help?

Family and friends often want to help but do not know how. Taking these steps can help ensure that you get the help and support you need:

  • Before you start treatment, talk about changes in your daily routine and how you may need help. These changes may include regular visits for treatment and time resting at home to recover.
  • You may need to shift responsibilities at home to other family members for a while. This may include cooking, doing household chores, and caring for other family members.
  • Be clear about the kind of help you need from others outside of your family. Let others know if you need a ride to the clinic for treatment or need help with child care, housecleaning, grocery shopping, or other errands.

How can I give updates about how I am doing?

It can take a lot out of you to keep updating people about your illness. Making or taking phone calls, answering e-mails, and hosting visitors can be tiring and stressful, especially during treatment. Some useful methods for keeping people updated about your condition include:

  • Assigning one or two “point people.” These trusted family members or friends can provide regular updates to others. They can make needed phone calls, send out e-mails, and field questions.
  • Using social media or websites. Free services such as CarePages and CaringBridge make it easy to create a website to post updates. These websites also allow friends and family to leave messages for you.
  • Reach out and let others know when you are up for a visit or social outing.

Where to find support

Look for support groups, mentors, and counselors to help you and your family. These resources can help you and your family:

  • Feel hopeful and not so alone.
  • Talk about, and work through, your feelings.
  • Deal with personal or work problems.
  • Cope with treatment and its side effects.

Seek Additional Information

For more information about talking with others about cancer, visit:

Summary

  • When you have cancer, talking with your family and friends about it can be difficult. How much you share with others is up to you.
  • Ask your cancer care team what resources and support are available to help you talk with others about your cancer diagnosis.
  • Before you start treatment, talk about changes in your daily routine and how you may need help.
  • Creating a social media site or assigning one or two point people are good ways to keep others updated about your condition.
  • Look for support groups, mentors, and counselors to help you and your family.
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