How To Help Your Child deal With Fear

Fear is a normal emotional response to a real or imagined threat or danger. Fear helps us protect ourselves from danger, but it must be dealt with in a healthy way. Children cope with fear in different ways, and they may not have the words to express how they are feeling.

How to know if your child has a problem coping with fear

Children show fear in a variety of ways. Fears are likely to be different as children age. New fears may develop, and old fears may go away with time. When children are fearful, they may:

• Avoid certain activities or refuse to do something.
• Lose interest in their normal activities.
• Have problems going to bed.
• Refuse to eat certain foods.
• Cry more often than usual or at unusual times.
• Get angry at unpredictable times.
• Show signs of returning to a less mature or less developed state (regressive behavior). Your child may start wetting the bed or sucking his or her thumb.
• Be scared to leave parents.

Follow these instructions at home:

Taking with your child

• Encourage your child to ask questions.
• Listen to your child and let him or her know that you accept his or her feelings. Instead of denying your child’s fear or the source of fear:
  • Answer questions honestly.
  • Explain things that your child does not understand.
  • Make statements that help to ease fears (reassurance).
• Read books about children who have dealt with similar fears. This may help your child to understand.

General instructions

• Be aware of your child’s exposure to the media, including TV, movies, books, and the news. Some things in the media can scare children. However, you should not forbid your child from media or get overprotective.
• Observe your child. If you think that he or she is acting fearful, gently point out what you are noticing, and listen carefully to your child’s response.
• Be predictable and reliable. This helps you build and keep your child’s trust.
• Coach your child to gradually approach the object of his or her fear while you stay close to him or her. Help your child stay calm by holding his or her hand or helping him or her to take deep breaths.
• Be mindful of your own behavior. Set a good example by dealing with your own fears in healthy ways.
• Encourage your child to keep doing normal daily activities.
• Recognize times when your child copes with fear in an effective way, and praise this behavior.

Where to find support:

You can get support for helping your child cope with fear from:

• Your child’s health care provider. He or she may be able to recommend a therapist or coping strategies for your child.
• Your child’s teacher. He or she may have ideas about how to help your child and may notice certain behaviors at school.
• Other parents. It may be helpful to ask others about how they deal with these fears.

Where to find more information

You can find more information about helping your child cope with fear from:

• KidsHealth: www.kidshealth.org  
• American Academy of Pediatrics: www.healthychildren.org  
• Children’s Anxiety Institute: www.childrenwithanxiety.com  

Contact a health care provider if:

• You are having trouble talking to your child about his or her fears.
• Your child’s fears do not go away, or they get worse.
• Your child’s fears are extreme and they affect his or her normal activities.

Summary

• Fear helps us protect ourselves from danger, but it must be dealt with in a healthy way.
• Children cope with fear in different ways, and they may not have the words to express how they are feeling.
• If your child’s fear persists and causes problems in daily activities, contact your child’s health care provider.