What is Toilet Training Resistance

Toilet training resistance refers to an opposition to using the toilet after age 3. Children who are resistant refuse to use the toilet even though they know how.

What causes this behavior?

This behavior may be caused by:

• Too many reminders or lectures about using the toilet (common).
• Changes in daily routine.
• A desire to feel in control.
• A desire for attention.
• Fear of staying in the bathroom alone.
• Association of the toilet with punishment. This can happen if the child was punished for not using the toilet.

Having difficulty setting limits for your child may contribute to this behavior.

What can I do to stop the behavior?

To help stop the behavior:

• Stop reminding your child to use the toilet for 1–3 months. Ask any one caring for your child to stop reminding your child as well.
• Ask your child’s health care provider whether you should make any changes to your child’s diet, such as:
  • Decreasing your child’s fat intake.
  • Increasing the amount of fluid that your child drinks.
  • Using laxatives.
• Have a consistent place for your child to go to the bathroom.
• Tell your child that their body makes “pee” and “poop” and that it belongs to them. Tell them their poop wants to be in the toilet and it is their job to help the poop come out.
• Put less pressure on your child to use the toilet. Try not to argue and negotiate about using the toilet.
• Praise and hug your child when he or she uses the toilet. Give your child a reward, such as a sticker or treat. Give the reward only for using the toilet.
• If you are using a potty chair, keep it where your child can see it. Make sure your child can get to it easily.
• Have your child wear “big kid” underwear. Let your child help pick out the underwear. Explain how it feels much better when the underwear is clean and dry.
• Have your child change his or her own clothes as soon as possible after having an accident. Tell your child that people cannot walk around with messy pants.
• If your child is afraid of the toilet, show him or her that there is nothing to be afraid of. Stand in the bathroom with your child or outside of the door.
• Focus on keeping a regular eating schedule, and feed your child plenty of fruits, high-fiber foods, and liquids.
• Talk with those who care for your child, including daycare providers and preschool teachers. Ask them to use the same methods that you use to stop the behavior.
• Be patient.
• Do not:
  • Have your child practice using the toilet.
  • Force or pressure your child to use the toilet.
  • Get upset with your child following an accident.
  • Punish your child for soiling or wetting his or her pants.
  • Tease your child about toilet training.

Contact a health care provider if:

• Your child has fewer than 2 bowel movements a week.
• Your child often strains to have a bowel movement.
• Your child’s stool is dry, hard, or larger than normal.
• Your child feels pain when passing urine or having a bowel movement.
• Your child seems to be holding back bowel movements.
• Your child is afraid of the potty chair.
• Toilet training resistance lasts more than 3 months.

Get help right away if:

• Your child has not had a bowel movement in 3 or more days.
• Your child has very bad pain in the abdomen.
• There is blood in your child’s bowel movement.