What are temper tantrums?

Temper tantrums are unpleasant, emotional outbursts and behaviors that toddlers display when their needs and desires are not met. During a temper tantrum, a child might:

• Cry.
• Say no.
• Scream.
• Whine.
• Stomp his or her feet.
• Hold his or her breath.
• Kick or hit.
• Throw things.

Temper tantrums usually begin after the first year of life and are the worst at 2–3 years of age. At this age, children have strong emotions but have not yet learned how to handle them. They may also want to have some control and independence but lack the ability to express this. Children may have temper tantrums because they are:

• Looking for attention.
• Feeling frustrated.
• Overly tired.
• Hungry.
• Uncomfortable.
• Sick.

Most children begin to outgrow temper tantrums by age 4.

What can I do to prevent temper tantrums?

To prevent temper tantrums:

• Know your child’s limits. If you notice that your child is getting bored, tired, hungry, or frustrated, take care of his or her needs.
• Give options to your child, and let your child make choices. Children want to have some control over their lives. Be sure to keep the options simple.
• Be consistent. Do not let your child do something one day and then stop him or her from doing it another day.
• Give your child plenty of positive attention. Praise good behavior.
• Help your child to learn how to express his or her feelings with words.

What can I do to handle temper tantrums?

To gain control once a temper tantrum starts:

• Pay attention. A temper tantrum may be your child’s way of telling you that he or she is hungry, tired, or uncomfortable.
• Stay calm. Temper tantrums often become bigger problems if the adult also loses control.
• Distract your child. Children have short attention spans. Draw your child’s attention away from the problem to a different activity, toy, or setting. If a tantrum happens in a public place, try taking your child with you to a bathroom or to your car until the situation is under control.
• Ignore your child’s behavior. Small tantrums over small frustrations may end sooner if you do not react to them. However, do not ignore a tantrum if the child is damaging property or if the child’s behavior is putting others in danger.
• Call a time-out. This should be done if a tantrum lasts too long, or if the child or others might get hurt. Take the child to a quiet place to calm down.
• Do not give in. If you do, you are rewarding your child for his or her behavior.
• Do not use physical force to punish your child. This will make your child angrier and more frustrated.

Temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up. Almost all children have them. It is important to remember that your child’s temper tantrums are not his or her fault.

When should I seek medical care?

Talk with your health care provider if your child:

• Has temper tantrums that get worse after age 4.
• Starts to have temper tantrums more often and the tantrums are becoming harder to control.
• Has temper tantrums:
  • That become violent or destructive.
  • That are making you feel anger toward your child.
• Holds his or her breath until he or she passes out.
• Gets hurt.
• Has temper tantrums along with other problems, such as:
  • Night terrors or nightmares.
  • Fear of strangers.
  • Loss of toilet training skills.
  • Problems with eating or sleeping.
  • Headaches.
  • Stomachaches.
  • Anxiety.